Today In the Life…

by caitlin

I think pregnancy has made me slightly schizo–A would prolly argue that ‘slightly’ is an understatement, but he’s too kind to voice that. Seriously, one day I am happy to be where I am doing what I’m doing (arts and crafts, watching documentaries, going for walks, shopping, hanging out, cooking), and literally the next day I am crying over being so far from family, not having a purpose, etc.

Well, today’s a good day–it is all about perspective after all. I spent a little time this morning reflecting on life here in Chaville and the Gospel of Luke over a frozen mocha from Panera…pure delight.

A few weeks ago our pastor talked about the difference between being called and being assigned. He clarified that every Christ follower is called to a relationship with Jesus (that doesn’t change), but our assignments change many times in our lives. As a previously self-professed “purpose-driven” person, I get confused about callings and assignments and such.

I thought Adam and I were called to love the poor and neglected of our society. That’s not the case. We are called to be loved by Jesus and to in turn love him. Our assignment for a while (and surely will be again one day soon) was to spend lots of time in the hood and love on the families there. It hurt my heart that we were seemingly not fulfilling our calling nowadays, when all the while our assignment has just changed for a season.

We are in the middle of the suburban jungle (it’s wild, people) surrounded by white people who apparently don’t need our help or want our attention and even try to run us over with their big ole’ SUV’s (I told you, the jungle’s no joke). Yet, there’s a YET!, God is moving…profoundly.

He is forging relationships betwixt the outsiders (us) and the natives (Charlotteans). We are loving people. We are being loved on by other people (not the ones that try to run us over). A’s learning how to be a bossman and run 2 (almost 3) businesses and build real relationships with his employees, all while dealing with his wildly emotionally unstable wife. I’m learning to be still, AND God is peeling back the layers on my heart that incubated the core, my need for control. He’s telling me, “Give up the need to control your life, abandon your plan, be used by me where you are BECAUSE I have ASSIGNED you THERE for a purpose.”

Hot damn! This is not a detour! This is not a mistake (which, as a good Calvinist, I would have told you a month ago; but A can tell you that it really is my deepest fear) that will be corrected when I find an urban ministry to be involved with or when we move back to Jacksonville. This is where God has us and he wants us to trust him HERE, love and serve people HERE, grow HERE.

Praise God he is patient and diligent because not only am I slightly schizo and wildly emotionally unstable, but I have pregnancy brain and it takes me FOREVER to learn things.